The Happy and Prosperous Blog

For this article I interviewed Helen Bowcock about Non-Violent Communication.I started by asking her…

What is it ?

It’s a way of talking - a style of speaking which can be used in all types of situations. It starts with the intention of making a genuine connection with another person - and also a genuine connection with yourself. That does mean that you need a certain amount of self-awareness. You need to be willing to look at your own feelings and share those honestly with the other person. So, I’m not saying that it’s always easy - sometimes it’s not easy at all, but I do believe it’s worth the effort.

Incidentally, Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is also called Compassionate Communication which, in my opinion, is a better name.

So, what use is it ? Why is it worth the effort ?

Well, it helps me improve my self-awareness and my self-knowledge but, more importantly, it helps me have genuine, warm communication with others where both of us feel heard. It’s about real communication with someone where you come from the place of respecting what they feel, wanting to understand and having empathy for them. It doesn’t mean agreeing with them always ! But real communication often leads to better solutions when there is disagreement. It’s not about manipulating people so you get your own way. It is about having understanding on both sides and negotiating from that position of understanding.

OK, so when would you use this type of communication ?

Anywhere where there is the potential for disagreement or conflict and, because it’s about clear communication, it useful in all situations.

Such as ?

• With children or teenagers where there is a difficult issue to be discussed.
• Between partners
• Work situations
• Anywhere really where understanding and empathy are required.

NVC has also been used at a national and international level to help in resolving conflict.

Where did NVC come from originally ?

A man called Marshall Rosenberg wrote a book called Non-Violent Communication: a Language of Life. He had a tough childhood living in a rough area of Detroit and he went on to study psychology. He then developed this style of communication based, at least in part, on what he learned while growing up. You can read more about him here. There is now a Centre for Non-Violent Communication in America which develops the ideas further and trains people in using them.

How did you get involved ?

A friend of mine recommended the book and I really liked what it had to say. About 18 months ago I did a 2 day foundation course on NVC which was lead by Laura Harvey. Laura runs a company called SharedSpace which teaches NVC in the North of England. More recently I did a 2 day workshop with Laura in Manchester called A New Approach to Anger which was really useful in helping me deepen my understanding of the ideas behind NVC.

NVC has been hugely useful to me and I plan to continue using it and to study it more deeply.

Thanks Helen

Helen Bowcock is a homeopath and trainer in based in Leeds, UK.

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