The Happy and Prosperous Blog

Last week, I wrote about my birthday and how I had been thinking about the time I had left available to me. I published that post on Sunday. I woke up on Monday feeling very unwell (flu ?), spend most of the week in bed and have not been out of the house since last Sunday ! Not the sort of start I wanted for my year. What happened ?

photo credit: littledan77

I feel a bit embarrassed about this really - as if I brought this illness on myself as a result of what I wrote last week. At one time during the week, I thought my estimate of living till 85 was wildly exaggerated !

My reflections this week are about why I got ill and what positive lessons I can take from this experience.

Enjoying My Work

I am someone who enjoys their work which, of course, is great. You will know, if you are a regular reader, that I design and build web sites for clients through my AttractMore Web Design business, I am a practising homeopath, I teach homeopathy and am a director of a homeopathy college. None of these occupations pays me a fixed salary, rather, I get paid for what I do.

The danger with this way of working coupled with the fact that I enjoy doing it all, means that I can end up working more hours that would normally be regarded as sensible. I’ve always felt this was OK because I was enjoying doing it. Continue Reading »

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Negative Publicity

As a working homeopath here in the UK, I can’t help but notice the negative publicity about homeopathy that appears in the press on a fairly frequent basis. One could be forgiven for thinking that there is a concerted campaign to discredit homeopathy !

The negative publicity tends to be in the form of poorly researched articles which express the author’s prejudice rather than any well argued case against homeopathy. One of the main accusations levelled at homeopathy is that it simply doesn’t work - this, despite evidence from properly managed outcome studies that shows it is effective. If there were good solid arguments against homeopathy, why aren’t they aired in the media ? Perhaps that’s because there aren’t any such arguments ??

Patient Choice Reduced

It seems that this negative publicity is having an effect and access to homeopathy services within the NHS is being restricted. Patient choice is being reduced and this is not, in my opinion, the way we should be going with healthcare.

Debunking The Myths

To address the misconceptions, clear up misunderstandings and debunk the myths about homeopathy, a new web site, called Homeopathy Worked For Me, has been set up. It has been produced by a group called H:MC21 (Homeopathy: Medicine for the 21^st Century). Its purpose is to promote homeopathy and defend the right of people in the UK to choose homoeopathy within the NHS. There’s a quick and easy form on the site you can use to show your support for homeopathy. Please sign up.
The web site has a lot of other information. I particularly like the page which lays out the myths commonly broadcast about homeopathy and it refutes each one in a detailed, dispassionate and well-argued manner. Please do have a look at the Homeopathy Worked For Me web site and, if you feel that people should have access to homeopathy on the NHS in the UK, please take 30 seconds to sign the declaration and show your support. You can do this whether you are a UK resident or not.

They also have a Facebook group which you can join to keep up with developments.

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Yesterday we looked at the assumptions and rules we make up that cause added complexity in our lives. Today let’s look at another big cause of complexity - the disease to please.

Pleasing Others

Wanting to please other people is natural and normal. The question is - how far do we take it. Some people take this much further than others and aim to please as many people as possible even if that means a lot of self-sacrifice on their own part. At the other extreme some people just please themselves with no regard for anyone else but they are in a small minority.

Partners

The ‘disease to please’ does seem to be a common feature of many people’s personalities. It certainly has been with me in the past and it was most prevalent in my relationships. I would want my partner to be happy and so I would agree to go out to places I didn’t really want to go to and be with people that I didn’t really feel good with. I wasn’t conscious of these feelings at the time - I wasn’t aware of my disease to please - it all just seemed like natural and normal behaviour to me. Then, one day, I would realise that I was living a life that didn’t really fit with me and I would suddenly start to feel uncomfortable in the relationship, as if I didn’t belong there any more. After several repeats of this pattern with different partners, I finally got the message about my disease to please and I don’t have the disease any more. I do need to be careful, however, as I think I am still a bit susceptible. If we end up trying to please other people too much, our own values and beliefs can get neglected and we can become alienated from our real selves. When we start to lose our authenticity, we put our health as well as our happiness at risk.

Parents and Others

Of course this doesn’t just apply with partners. I have known of people who are trying to please a parent (alive or dead) Do you know anyone whose life has been shaped by trying to live up to the demands or expectations of a parent ? They live a life someone else wanted for them, but not their own life.

Whoever it is we want to please, we try to measure up and may do all sorts of things that are not really us in the process. It may be an impossible task but we still carry on. Sometimes we try to meet some standards or behaviour that we think others expect of us. However, in reality they don’t - it’s just our fantasy. So we make our lives more difficult for no good reason.

True Love

Of course, approval is important to us. Of course, we fear rejection or confrontation which is why the disease is so powerful. However, real love - true love - means wanting others to develop and to be happy in whatever way is best for them - it doesn’t meaning fitting in with them all the time. For ourselves, we need congruence - our beliefs, values, interests, skills etc. need to be lined up with everything we do so we can operate as a harmonious whole. This is our best chance for true health and happiness.

Self-Respect

So, be very careful of people who expect you to be different to who you really are and beware of your own internal tendency to succumb to the ‘disease to please’. Pleasing others is fine if it nourishes the giver as much as the receiver. Altruism is OK - continual self-sacrifice is not. Respect yourself, value yourself - in doing so you will gain the respect of others.

Thanks for reading.