The Happy and Prosperous Blog

I guess I’m showing my age with this title ! Who else remembers that famous David Bowie song ? The other reason (apart from nostalgia) I like this title is that it encapsulates the resistance and hesitancy with which many of us tackle changes in our own lives. I have talked about the possibility of making changes on a number of occasions in this blog. E.g.

• How To Really Listen to Someone
• The Disease To Please
• Everything Before The BUT
• I Appreciate You Reading This
• Smile Please
• Human Being or Human Having

Today I want to explore how we might go about making changes in our lives in ways that are effective yet gentle.

First of all, let me make it clear that I am talking about changes we want to make in ourselves - for our own personal development and growth. I’m not talking about changes that get forced upon us, although some of these ideas might carry over into that arena too.

I think it is useful to identify where our hesitancy, resistance or reluctance to change comes from. You will need to explore this for yourself, however, here are some suggestions:-

• Fear of failure - It may be that you are concerned that you will try to make the changes you want but that you won’t be able to keep it going. It could be that having that attitude will make the negative outcome more likely. Better to have tried than not to have had a go at all, I would say. Gather up some courage and face that fear !
• Fear of making a mistake - This can be a good reason for prevarication. I’m not sure this is the right thing for me now. Maybe later, we say. Best to do nothing if I’m not sure, you may think. This fear can be very potent and can hold us back. There will never be a perfect time and if you can see the benefits of making the change you want, then now is the best time.
• Concern about the reaction of others - It is likely that changes you make in yourself for your own growth and betterment will become obvious to other people in your life. How will they react to the changes they see in you ? They may consider it selfish of you to change. What is the worst that could happen ? Imagine the worst and how you would deal with that. How likely is it that the worst-case scenario would occur ? What if you don’t make the change you want and give in to actual (or perceived) pressure from others ? The worst case scenario here is that your suppression of the desire to change will lead to you becoming ill.
• Fear of change - If we change then this could affect our life in ways we cannot predict and which we may not like. We may end up outside our comfort zone. If you believe you will be a better person by making the change then this may result in challenges to that belief in the future. However, focus on the reasons why you want to change and the benefits that will bring rather than future possibilities.
• General inertia and laziness - Changes do require effort so make a commitment to put that effort in. Making the change may stretch you, and, as Richard Wilkins says, if it stretches you, it will make you bigger.

Fear will keep you confined in a small space. The more you let your fears confine you, the smaller that space will become. Making changes makes making further changes easier so it really is important to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

My next post will cover specific techniques you can use to help make changes a reality. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading,

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